Here is the script of my 7-minute talk entitled "Listening or the art of paying attention" for the 3rd episode of Boost Your Inspiration.
I wrote another article to describe my experience 🙂
The Importance of Talking
Have you ever felt like talking so badly that you forgot to listen to the person in front of you? You know, it's that moment when you have this idea to share, that you don't want to cut off the person who is speaking, but that you are on the lookout for the moment when you are going to be able to intervene.
I regularly observe this type of situation around me and it leads me to ask myself a few questions:
- Aren't we more likely to talk to each other After others rather than one with others ?
- And if in this situation, we had done otherwise, we had asked ourselves to listen, what would have changed?
A Chinese proverb says that it takes 2 years to learn to speak and a lifetime to learn to be silent. It's not so surprising when we see how our current culture emphasizes speaking and questioning. Generally to teach us to think better rather than to listen better. We can very easily see it in televised debates where people cut each other off. All this to show who is right or who is wrong rather than trying to understand what each has to offer.
There are also eloquence contests while I don't know of a listening contest yet. And at the same time, you're going to tell me that it wouldn't be so exciting to watch on TV!
And yet, I think listening is truly a missing skill in today's era. She really deserves to be developed : so much it can bring us on a personal and professional level.
But what is listening?
Definition of Listening
Listening, after some research, etymologically means “Welcome positively”, which gives it all the more meaning. First there is the term to welcome. Beyond the meaning of receiving something, it is above all this posture of openness and vulnerability which seems important to me.
Indeed, I speak of vulnerability because when I hear “welcome”, it makes me see big open arms. And who says big open arms says openness to a potential attack!
This is where the term “positively” comes into play, i.e. with a constructive and fruitful intention.
“Welcoming positively” is therefore a bit like when you invite friends over. We welcome them in our intimacy but with this strong conviction that they want us well (and generally it is reciprocal)!
Interact with others
What can listening do for us?
I work today in the world of accompaniment and I find that listening allows me to have this privileged connection with the people I interact with.
Indeed, when I listen to a person attentively, I show him that he is important in him. Donnant space it needs to be able to express itself. To do this, I ask him a few questions or simply give him the floor.
You're going to tell me that if I ask him questions it's because I'm talking to him! And so the more I talk, the less I listen! And in itself you would be right. The only difference is that I use speech not to express my ideas but to help him develop his. There rewording is also an extremely powerful tool to help the other know if he or she has been understood.
When we have defined this framework of intimacy and security, we can then to pay attention to words but also to all the non-verbal cues that come with communication. Indeed, listening is not only using your ears. It is also using your eyes because it is the whole that will allow us to better understand the world of the other without judging it.
Thus to listen is to develop one's curiosity, develop his empathy, but also its humility.
Listen to yourself
On this last point, I would like to share a little personal story with you.
I trained in professional coaching and during this training we had to coach each other. This to refine, practice and integrate the different notions that were taught to us.
And for once, I was not necessarily a very good coach. Quite simply because I had this tendency to orient my answers a little bit as it suited me. But I couldn't get out of it all the time! My fellow coaches were able to use other exercises such as images, metaphors or even the body. They were able to bring out the subjects that were really important to me.
Besides, I take this opportunity to thank them because they knew how tolisten beyond my words, which could be misleading in the end, while listening to me in a very general way. Because the body does not deceive and the body does not deceive when we learn to listen to it.
Thanks to them I learned a lot. I learned that we do a lot of things out of obligation because we think it's the right thing to do, but in the end isn't the big question:
And me, what do I want to do?
What do I want for my life?
Because finally listening to each other is accept who we are, with its strengths, weaknesses, needs and desires. It's much easier said than done, I agree, but it's worth the effort.
Conclusion
You will have understood it, listening is for meart of paying attention to others but also the art of paying attention to oneself.
Listening and speaking are ultimately the 2 facets of the same coin, a bit like shadow and light, to be used sparingly, and always at the service of people and interactions.
This is why I invite you to offer your listening to the people who are dear to you for create those special moments, these memories to remember.
I also invite you to offer it to yourself, because there will always be other things to do than to think of yourself until the moment when time reminds you.
What is important to me?
What makes me dream?
What makes me vibrate?
Listen to your heart, and I hope it brings you a little more happiness!
